Thursday, January 10, 2013

Feeling Lonely

So lately I have been feeling rather upset and lonely.  Do to this, I ended up breaking a few rules like touching myself again and watching adult videos.  Did this make me happy?  Nope.  Why did I do it?  I really have no idea.  I guess it's just that Master use to have intercourse with me almost every day, if not multiple times a day and I've confused that a bit for affection.  Either way, I feel bad for doing it and I've just decided to stop.  I parental blocked my computer a few months ago and when I'm really depressed I unlock it, though I think I'm going to ask Master to keep the password.  I don't remember what it is, so I have it in a note document and I don't want to delete it in case the parental control goes on the fritz.

Master has been really really nice to me and spends lots of time roleplaying with me and doing some light chatting, but I still feel lonely.  He even has been a bit lovey and calls me by my nickname instead of just "my dear", though he's only on at night and I end up passing out while talking to him.  I have to get up around six to seven in the morning and talking to him until four in the morning every morning isn't doable anymore.  I'll be lucky if I even get to speak with him for a few minutes this evening seeing as it's not even four and I'm already tired as can be.  Though it has been a rather gloomy day.

I just miss my Master so much and I can't wait to be in his arms again.  It's another fifty days until the obedience game is over and I feel as time goes by, I just feel worse and worse and am afraid of messing up more and more.  I just need to try and cheer up, but I can't.  Every night even saying one word to Master makes me feel like crying and I want to be in his arms so bad.