Monday, January 28, 2013

Alone

So, no Master today.  I'm starting to feel as if I'm all alone in the world now and without anyone to love.  I know I more than likely will never feel the warmth of being held again.  Being alive is rather hard.  There are so many things in a day that you have to do to keep being alive and when you're alone, doing them is so much harder.  If I could wish death on anyone, it would be myself, seeing as it's the easy way out of this pained world.  I know that makes me a weak person, but I can't help that.  Sometimes I say things I don't mean or that I mean in a different way.  I guess you'd really have to know me to know how to take them, though Master doesn't take the time to notice me let alone get to know me.  If I wish someone dead, that's not what I'm saying.  When you place a wish or spell on someone to die, it comes back to you three-fold, so I'm really wishing for myself to die.

Right now I'd have to say I feel like Holo.  I've taken a long journey away from everyone and I may never see them again.  I know I can be proud and arrogant like her as well, but right now I just want held.  I ended up eating an entire bag of strawberry cream puffs while watching Spice and Wolf.  I don't know why, but the series just makes me sad.  The only reason I even started watching it tonight is because I've been listening to the song "She Wolf" by Sai over and over again.  I'm just not in a right place in my mind right now.