Tuesday, February 12, 2013
So much to do today to try and keep my mind off of it though. I need to go get all the services for my apartment set up including renter's insurance. I need to pick up some things from the grocery store and get a bunch of other things in line. I almost forgot, I have to go get my new Food Handler's card as well. So lots to do to take up my second half of the day, for now I just need to get the sleep out of my eyes and maybe lay in the tub and think for a while. It's always nice to be able to just relax in a bath tub and figure out things.
So, I'm guessing Master has someone else for Valentine's this year. It's not like I can blame him, she lives closer now. That's the only good quality about her though. He already threatened to break our contract when I spoke up about how I don't like being treated less than her. If he wants her more than me, then he can have her. It's not like I'm needed anyways seeing as I'm just some person a few thousand miles away that he hasn't seen in months. Not to mention he hasn't even touched me once since signing the contract with me. It's like I'm not even a toy that's been tossed aside, I'm just one he never decided to play with at all.
It's lonely sleeping by myself every night and having no one to hug or kiss me. Master only says he loves me when I'm being good... it's more like he loves my actions and not me at all. If I'm good and stay out of the way and out of his business, he can date behind my back and continue to treat me like nothing. I want to make Master happy with me, but he just always gets mad instead. Maybe I'm just worthless and not really good enough for him. Maybe I'm not worthy of being called his precious chattel. Maybe I'm just a worthless thing that he doesn't really need anymore. I just wanted a little better treatment and he bites my head off... It's like I'm lower than a slave, I'm dirt or something. I'm not sure if doting on Master and trying to make him happy is worth destroying myself. He just wants me to be an emotionless husk and that makes me sad. I know he said it wasn't my feelings, but my delusions that make him angry. It's not a delusion when it's true and right there in front of everyone's playing view. He just wants to use excuses to try and bring me down, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for those and I never have been. If he wants to cheat and treat someone like crap, then he should have found someone else because he should know by now I don't take that from anyone.